Not Today

This poem was written in 2019, when my husband was recovering from open heart surgery.

I watch you sleep

I watch you sleep as I did when first we met

We always keep

The fire on now

You’re always cold

Not got your blood back yet

From the day Death came

She knocked twice and rang the bell

She must have knelt upon the step

The letterbox opened

Slowly

I saw her fingers in the black gap

Poking through

You’d not been well

She wanted to take you away

But you, my love, you

Stayed put

Don’t open the door

Let’s watch TV

When the God of Death comes what do we say?

‘Not today'

And ‘Not today’ was all that I could think and all that I could pray

All the way

All the way on the train

Not today

And all the way down that corridor

Not today

And all the way

All the way

To that fucking chair

Where they told me that they’d stopped your heart

And started it

And now I watch you sleep

Let’s keep the fire on

Let them knock

Whoever it is

They’ll go away

Not today

Not today